Are you Hungry?

“It makes utter sense to stay healthy and strong, to be as nourishing to the body as possible. Yet I would have to agree, there is in many women a 'hungry' one inside. But rather than hungry to be a certain size, shape, or height, rather than hungry to fit the stereotype; women are hungry for basic regard from the culture surrounding them. The 'hungry' one inside is longing to be treated respectfully, to be accepted and in the very least, to be met without stereotyping.” ― Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés

I've been doing a lot of reflection on the time I've spent hungry. In my anorexic days, it was simply wearing my hunger on my sleeves. But the hunger ran deep. It ran deep beneath my skin, my disintegrating muscles, and my anemic bones. It ran straight to my soul. And it made me question: Am I providing sustenance for those surrounding me? Am I providing a nourishing, respectful, unconditionally accepting culture for the women around me to blossom in every shape and form?

I have now chosen to live in a world in which my self-worth isn’t carved down or pared or manipulated based on a reflection in the mirror. I have chosen to live in a world where parts of me are no longer divorced from their greater whole; each segment of me no longer greater than their sum. Each physical fragment no longer deciphers whether I am desirable, worthy, or validated as a human being: the flat stomach, the thigh gap, the toned arms.

I have chosen to live in a world in which my mind, soul, and body live in harmony with no restrictions on how each should look or feel. This world in particular is not represented by popular culture and isn’t easily understood. The world I choose for myself is one in which women do not suppress their appetites for life: their hunger for food, chocolate, dessert, all things sweet; love, sex, passion, ambition, success, and talent. A world where women no longer enslave themselves to pleasing their boss, their partner, their children, or others. Their appetites are unapologetically present and no longer determined based upon superficial ideals labeled by hollow feelings such as heavy, flabby, thin, large.

A world where women's appetites are no longer exchanged for have’s and have-nots; desserts no longer traded for running an extra mile, a sexual encounter no longer traded for validation, and success no longer traded for self-sacrifice.

This means I am choosing to no longer distract myself from my appetite, trying desperately not to feel it. Placebos such as appearance, consumer culture, and food restriction may bring comments, attention and validation (‘Wow! You look great!...You’ve lost so much weight…I love your outfit…You’re so thin and self-disciplined…) but they continue to feed this void called avoidance. And the more this void is filled, the more women operate from fear and insecurity.

Instead, I am choosing to indulge in my hunger, making conscious decisions about it, and allowing my appetite to exist in my flesh, in my passion, and in my drive for life. Yes, that means I may be harder for others to recognize and relate to because I operate so much deeper than 'fitting the surface-level mold of femininity.' But it means knowing myself and asserting my own appetites as well as my own deficiencies, regardless if they are easily understood by others.

I’m doing my OM thing.

What are you hungry for? I encourage us all to provide the most fertile sowing ground that nourishes each seed planted within our reach.